'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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