he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
