she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
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Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
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It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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