I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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