sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake