looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.