i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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