She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
