from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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