And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize