either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
grandma shit on top of the toilet
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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