Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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