Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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