Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
