through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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