Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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