Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
