i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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