Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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