Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
