Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
