I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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