seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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