I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This house was built for laser tag.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
