My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
