hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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