i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
