im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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