I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
