so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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