Will you blow on my dice?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
