It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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