Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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