If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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