he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just googled if crying burns calories
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
