she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
