and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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