So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
