Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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