do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
