Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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