the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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