We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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