I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
