If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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