I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think we might need a safe word for this...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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