I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
