In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
