my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The Olympian is in my bed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
