If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
