Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
