would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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