I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
