i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
