And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
