I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
