fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
