She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
