I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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