I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
