Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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