did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
