Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
