it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
