Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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