I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
