Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i permit you to call me
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
