trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
