Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
