Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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