my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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