If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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