We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
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I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize