I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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