He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
