Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
