Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
