they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Everything about him screamed your future.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
