My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
