How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
