I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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