honey bunches of taint.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
