i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
