my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
