There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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