I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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